


Dear Zayn.

by zoumi



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: M/M, Post-Zayn One Direction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 08:46:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5737195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoumi/pseuds/zoumi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry ignores texts, changes his number and writes a letter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Zayn.

**Author's Note:**

> First fic, please be gentle.

Dear Zayn,

I apologize if this letter is a bit all over the place but my therapist says that I need to do this so here we are. I know its a bit absurd that I won't text you back a few words but here I am writing you an essay about my feelings. 

 

When you left, the first thing I did was have a nap. I wasn't angry, I wasn't sad, I just wanted to sleep. Turns out I know nothing about handling feelings. 

 

I know you think I am angry. Angry about you deserting us, angry because you got to go solo first, angry because you got to relax, go home while we were still being ground by the machine.  

 

I am not. Angry that is. I am just sad. I was always just sad since the day you left. Desolate. I always loved that word. Loved how accurately it described sadness in a way hopeless never could. Okay I am rambling. Sorry. But that's what I felt when you left. I know we weren't as close as we were. Haven't been since Louis got your custody in our platonic divorce. But you were there and I was wasn't ready for you to go away (making it all about me but hey, baby of the group remember!). 

 

Okay maybe I was a bit angry. I was angry that we got no time to grieve (dramatic I know) in private. That we had to go out the next day and pretend we all were fine, happy and strong. I was angry that I was so fucking sad that I almost cried on a 13 year old's shoulder when she said we would be fine. I was angry. 

 

But I am not angry now. I wasn't angry when I ignored your texts and changed my number. Just like I wasn't angry when you chose Louis over me. I moved on from that and I will move on from this. But I need time, Zayn. I need time to get my feelings out. I need time to get over this sadness, this desolation. I need time so that I can be okay when you leave me again. But I also need you to know that I have never resented you for leaving and I am so fucking proud of you. And whatever you needed to tell me over the phone I understand.  

 

I understand why you had to leave. I understand why you couldn't let me see you before you left. I know I would have begged you to stay. Used every trick, every charm to change your mind and you would have. Stayed because you have never been able to deny me. And that would have destroyed you. I never wanted to destroy you, Zayn. I only ever wanted you happy.   

 

I hope you understand too. 

 

All the love as always.H.


End file.
